Jeremy

If you ever want to make yourself crazy, try to meet four new online dating prospects in four consecutive days. I didn’t think when I was setting the dates that it would be a problem but it really was an awful idea. Anyone that has had any serious online action will tell you that sometimes it is difficult to keep the contestants straight in your head. It is hard to remember all the careers, hometowns, undergrad college, pets, parents, siblings, locations lived, favorite restaurants, past relationships, etc., about a number of  people at once and not set yourself for some kind embarrassing gaffe. “So what are you getting your mom for Mother’s Day? Ohhhhh, that is right. You did tell me she was dead. My bad. Sorry about that.” I don’t like being a jerk so I try and remember things like deceased relatives but it can get to be tricky. A friend of mine is keeping a notebook with print-outs of emails and pictures and profiles of all of his paramours so he can brush up at a moments notice. I have learned that doing a quick email-history and profile review before the initial meet and greet to be very beneficial.  Online dating = just like school. There will be homework.

Jeremy first emailed me because there is a photo on my profile of me carrying a tray of cheeseburgers at my favorite spot in Kauai. He said he could appreciate a girl that could pack away a burger or two. Well, I can appreciate someone that can appreciate a good appetite. We were going to get along just fine. I decided to stay with the Starbucks theme but I did agree to meet at one closer to his neck of the woods. I got there early which I was starting to realize was the best plan of attack. I like being able to get myself comfortable, use the restroom and have the guy be the one that walks in and has that awkward moment of wondering, hmmmm, does this person look anything like who I am supposed to meet? Are they looking at me expectantly?

Jeremy walked in a few minutes late but was very, very cute. Tall, very nice physique, glasses, snappily dressed – all good signs. I did notice as he was ordering his drink that he seemed to be a little…overheated. I saw a little sweat on his brow and there were possible signs of pit sweat through is t-shirt. Hmmmm… He earned some points, though, when he explained immediately after sitting down that he was still hot from a 10-mile run. He had, though, taken a shower. No need to worry. I find a guy that works out and takes care of himself to be very, very attractive. We were also meeting at 4:30 on a weekday which meant that he had a good enough job that they allowed him to exercise during normal work hours. Either that or he was unemployed but I definitely remember a job being mentioned. My fingers were crossed.

We had a very, very fun conversation. We were both into working out, good food, music, sports… I definitely felt a spark with him. We finished our coffee and said that he would be interested in meeting up again. Yay! Jeremy lived in West Seattle which is a cool area so we tentatively decided on that with details to be worked out online. I was excited as I drove away although the awkward ‘driving right behind me’ did occur. I hate it when someone you like or want to impress is in the car right behind yours and you have to pretend to be ‘nonchalant cool driver’. I did look back once and he was singing along to the radio. Nice, nice.

Jeremy emailed me the next day about coming down for dinner and/or drinks in a week or so and I happily agreed. We even had a pleasant phone conversation discussing our dining and recreational options. Things looked very promising so it was a bit of a surprise when, the day before we were supposed to hook up, I got a call from Jeremy. He had really enjoyed meeting me, he thought I was a great girl but he and his ex had been talking more and they had decided to give their relationship another go. Oh. Ok. I was taken a little aback but what could I say? I wished him luck, told him it was cool of him to call and he said that he would definitely be in touch should things change. I have to say that it was very admirable for him to man up and make the call. Most people, and I include myself in this group, would have felt totally appropriate doing that by email. Since this phone call with Jeremy I have used his line, not usually true, that I am trying to ‘take it to another level’ with someone as a reason for why no more dates can be had. Because of this, looking back, a large part of me thinks Jeremy was fibbing but why did he make the date with me in the first place if he wasn’t interested? He could have left it at coffee. I didn’t hear from him again so maybe he worked it out with his ex and they are living happily ever after or at least that is what I tell myself over a plate of cheeseburgers.

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Published in: on May 4, 2009 at 8:23 pm  Leave a Comment  

Scott

This guy had huge teeth. Very nice, decent guy but he had some serious Mr. Ed action going on. I met him in the bar at  Canyon’s Restaurant where alcoholic drinks were imbibed. This was the start of my  guideline that alcohol is a great social lubricant and should be consumed on a first meeting if at all possible. I have had to add an addendum, though, that there is a two-drink maximum because, any  more than that, and anyone becomes more attractive. I need to have a little bit of good judgement left standing.

Aside from his choppers, Scott was very decent. He was easy to talk to, took great pleasure in ordering the corn fritters with honey and butter and had been around the dating block. I have no idea how many ladies had come before me but it sounded like he had some experience with the ‘trying to find a girlfriend’ bit. He mentioned that he belonged to a group of Seattle Singles that did different activities and that he had recently been to Costa Rica (!!!) with a group of singletons. He was definitely no rube. He also mentioned that he loved to bake, owned his own house and had a fairly good job with city government. So, he was decent enough that I decided another date was in order.

For some reason we decided to meet for coffee on a workday which I vowed never to repeat. I have to answer my cell phone for work so it and my message book sat on the table and it just cast a bad shadow over the whole thing. Weekend coffee dates are fine but during the workday? Not again. I am not a huge coffee or food snob but I do make a note of what someone orders. Scott got coffee cake and an iced mocha. Sugar rush! I am a healthy eater, more or less, so that didn’t impress me much. He then proceeded to complain about how expensive Starbucks was and that he had to break the habit before he went broke, blah, blah, blah… My cheapskate flags started to go up. Neither of us could stay long (another reason not to do a date during work hours) so he threw out going to a Mariners game together. I LOVE baseball and the Mariners but a game is a loooong time to have to talk to someone if it is at all awkward. I would never, ever, ever go to that long of event for a first date but a third…. hmmm….. I told him I would look at my schedule and get back to him. After this second meeting I was feeling a little wary. He was still nice and decent but I was not feelin’ the sparks and the cheap talk had gotten to me a little bit. While I was mulling over what to do he sent me an email about the Mariners game and how we would take the bus there because parking at the stadium is so expensive. Uhhhh, it really isn’t that expensive, at all, and definitely not enough to make us take a bus trip on a date. I am not an elitist or a snob or a prima donna but this was a little too much. Scott’s spendthrift ways combined with the lack of spark and those big teeth was a deadly combination. I wrote Scott the same sort of email that I would eventually learn to not send, i.e. I am not ready to date, and he was pretty cool about it. He sent me an email back that he was disappointed but understood. I was caught, again, by him when he saw me still on Match a few months later and sent another wink. Note to self – if you say you aren’t ready to date it is best not to remain active on a dating website.

Published in: on April 29, 2009 at 8:03 pm  Comments (2)  

Robert

Officially this was Bachelor #1. I was not at all feeling comfortable being back in the dating world after being in a relationship for almost six years with a cool guy I was still friends with. As I drove to meet Mr. Robert I felt like I was cheating on the ex even though we had been broken up for almost 3 months. It might say something that I called the ex on the way to the rendezvous spot to let him know who and where I was meeting this strange man just in case I was chopped up into little pieces. There is a reason we called it “Best Breakup Ever”. Even still, I was nervous as hell walking into that Starbucks.

** Aside (the first of what I am sure will be many) – There are a few spots in my neck of the woods that I am sure think I am some sort of librarian-looking prostitute. These spots, and the people that work there, have seen me parade in with a stream of men. When the number of people that you have met creeps into the double-digits you run out of places-to-meet options. I am picky about where I will make the initial contact. It has to be public, obviously, easy to find and a place I am familiar with. I am not walking into a restaurant or tavern or coffee shop or wine bar that I have never been before while trying to locate someone I have never met. That is simply too much sensory overload to manage at once. I like to know the lay of the land so the only thing that could possibly surprise me is how ghastly my date is.

The first thing I notice about Robert is that he looks nothing like his picture. I am expecting a guy that has a hat and glasses and fairly sizable sideburns but what walks up to me has a shaved head and no glasses. He is my height, 5’8″, and fairly stout. I am not overwhelmed with hot lust for him but he is pleasant to look at. We met on a weekend day so he was appropriately dressed – cargo shorts, t-shirt, cool sneaks. We had a pleasant conversation where he expressed a strong affinity for watching female roller girls. I have not been to such an event so it was cool to hear a little about that. Besides the fact that the conversation didn’t totally suck or stall awkwardly it also didn’t really light my fire. I could tell that I wasn’t going to be interested in seeing this guy again. I can’t say too much else about him besides he was ‘my first’ and that was it wasn’t horrible. Robert does have the distinction of initiating my long-time rule of NO PHONE CALL BEFORE MEETING. I am not a huge phone person in general and trying to carry on a conversation totally removed of any physical cues sucks ass. I was careful to brush up on my facts-about-Robert before placing the call but it was just awkward. Long silences, awkward pauses – what fun. There is just something about seeing someone in person and whiffing their pheromones that cannot be replaced. How horrible can anyone be that I can’t suffer through one cup of coffee or cocktail? Granted, there have been some fine men that had me thinking the whole time we met what a great freaking story I was going to tell about this knob, but nothing horrendous. They are just people, after all.

I did get the fishing follow-up email from Robert (it was great to meet me, want to get together again, etc.) but I was not interested in seeing him again. Just not exciting. I emailed him back and told him that I had thought I was ready to get back into the dating fray but I had been mistaken. This taught me another rule. DON’T EVER TELL AN ONLINE DATING CANDIDATE SOMETHING THAT THEY CAN FIND TO BE UNTRUE. Besides the fact that lying is evil and bad it just sets up an awkward situation if you are caught. For instance, I got several more emails and winks from Robert after I gave him the brush-off email. Why, he wanted to know, was I still on Match.com if I was not ready to date? Valid question although I don’t know what guilting me into a date was supposed to accomplish.

Published in: on April 28, 2009 at 7:56 pm  Comments (1)