As it is to vampires, daylight can be very harmful to internet dates.  A guy that can be all kinds of attractive and charming over a couple of drinks in a dimly lit bar will oftentimes, in my experience, lose those same qualities in the harsh light of day. The first date that I had with Trent was one of the best I ever had – it is a good sign if I don’t roll in back home until 5 a.m. – but, despite the initial buzz, Trent turned out to absolutely not be for me. Daylight can be so disappointing.

Looking back, Trent and I exchanged almost no emails before we decided to meet up for a drink. I knew that he lived near me, was fairly cute, had kick-ass taste in music and was really into sports but that was about it.  He seemed harmless, and cool, enough that I didn’t feel like meeting would be a waste of time so, when he asked, I agreed to meet on the following Saturday night. What the hell?

Trent was waiting for me at a table in the bar when I walked in and my stomach dropped a little. His pictures had made him seem kind of cute but, holy hell, to this girl, he was pretty hot, with short black hair, blue eyes, nice hands and broad shoulders. Check, check, check and check. I went from ambivalent to crazy-excited in about five seconds. Things were definitely looking up.

From the start, Trent was just…easy. I had no trouble talking to him, I was totally at ease, and it seemed that we had a ton in common to discuss. It was a great conversation and, if Trent started to emphasize his points by touching my arm, I was not going to complain. At all.  We finished our drink and Trent suggested that we change locations and try a bar he liked near his house. I was more than game.

Trent and I managed to close the next bar down. They had a jukebox and we played music for hours, trying to stump each other or play a song that the other person hadn’t heard. I was having so much fun, and just felt so comfortable and attracted to him that, when he Trent leaned in and kissed me right at the bar, I almost fell off my stool in a swoon. How had this night happened? Out of nowhere? Hadn’t I just met Trent five hours ago?

I liked Trent so much that, when the bartender told us that we were not allowed to play one more song, I accepted when Trent offered to play me some more music at his house. I don’t have many hard and fast rules about internet dating but, if I do have one, it would be not to go home with a strange guy on our first date. I kind of like being alive so this has always been a pretty strict policy and I was completely and totally throwing it out the window. As I drove to Trent’s house, I had a brief thought that those might the final moments I had before ending up in Trent’s crawlspace but, honestly, I didn’t care. I was too enamored. Danger, what danger?

I did not end up getting killed but rather had an excellent time listening to music, laughing, having a wrestling match and just totally digging being with Trent. I kept insisting that I was not a loose girl so I was absolutely not going to spend the night with him on the first date so I finally made myself, a test of true will, get in my car and head home at 5 a.m. It may have been a drive of shame but I didn’t care, not one bit.

I spent the next day grinning like an idiot. I could not wait to see Trent again. We exchanged a couple of emails and Trent suggested we become friends on Facebook. Again, I don’t believe in rules but, besides not going home with a guy on a first date, I would definitely add  ‘No Facebook’ to the list. It seems innocent enough but it is, in fact, the exact opposite. It is too much information too soon and is nothing but an invitation for disaster. But, as with my only other rule, I ignored the Facebook one and accepted Trent’s request. I went to his page, started to look around and, immediately, wished that I had not.

I started by looking at some of his photos and, sweet lord, they were almost all of Trent and his family and friends hunting. He had picture after picture that included him and bloody, dead animals! I thought I was going to be sick. The pictures that did not include carcasses were all of Trent and his friends in various states of inebriation, including beer bongs and at least five where Trent was full-on passed out. What, what, what? Was this the same guy? To get the awful pictures out of my head, I went to Trent’s main page and read some of the posts from him and his friends. Once again, bad idea. They were all about drinking and hunting with so much bad grammar and spelling and ‘Dude!’s” that my head wanted to explode. It was time to quit spending time on Trent’s Facebook page.

I didn’t want to rush to judgment but Trent had wanted me to see his pictures and read his posts. He was obviously not trying to hide anything and I was feeling almost instantly unattracted to him. If that was really how Trent was we were not going to ultimately be a match. Trent sent me an email asking if I wanted to meet him for coffee the next day before work and I agreed. It would be a good chance to reassess my Trent feelings without the cover of night and the influence of alcohol.

I arrived at our coffee destination first and waited for Trent who showed up, no joke, in camouflage cargo pants and big, black hiking boots. I almost gathered my stuff and walked right out. I am not against being able to blend in with the woods but wasn’t he on his way to work? This is what he wore just walking around? No, no, no – this was not the guy for me. We drank our coffee and kind of chatted but it was pretty awkward. It was pretty clear that whatever attraction we had initially felt was a one-time thing.

Trent walked me to my car and we exchanged a brief hug before we both left for work. Neither of us mentioned seeing each other again and, as a total sign, I was totally relieved. I was happy to see that we appeared to be in agreement on our now non-attraction.  I am still not sure how exactly Trent went from hero to zero but I was now adding a new rule to my short list. No first-date sleepovers, no Facebook and no getting excited until I had seen a guy in the sobering light of day.  If nothing else, it would keep me from dating vampires.




Published in: Uncategorized on October 3, 2011 at 5:22 am  Comments (7)  

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I understand the judgement after looking at his Facebook page; I’m a person who believes that the company one keeps can be a major tell-tale sign of their own personality. Hunting pictures, now…that’s definitely an individual preference. I’m an outdoors type myself, including hunting and fishing, so I would have been less judgemental of bloody carcasses. 😎

  2. From now on, I’m gonna try and sum up Kate’s date experience in 5 words or less so you won’t have to read through all that stuff, kind of a condensed Cliff notes. This one is easy:

    Trent – Likes to kill animals, sunk by Facebook. – Next!

  3. “If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.”
    — Steve Jobs

  4. I never thought of Steve Jobs as one to give sage dating advice but, well, seems I was wrong. Pretty cool.

  5. Dear Sweet Poor Kate.

    You’d think that after all of these dating experiences, you would have learned something….Trent WORKED you. Did all the right things, said all the right words, touched your arm at the right times, got you halfway home (the bar near his place, at closing) and then to his place. He got you to leave (ostensibly after sex…”wrestling”? C’mon, Kate, just tell us you did him), and got you to go away for good after insisting you see his FB page.

    This is step by step from one of those “How to Get Women” websites, right? And the most important step, for those kind of guys, is getting you to leave, after the boinking.

    Maybe its penance for being so mean to those other loser guys….


  6. So Kate do you dare to date long distance? Oh, and one more question are there a lot of depressed people in Seattle? I’ve heard that it is depressing living in Seattle, but really don’t know. I’m asking to get the shape of things there in Seattle as I would like to move to Washington.

    • Long-distance dating – great subject! I am going to address it on my upcoming podcast.

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