“I have your real email – scared yet?” The subject line of Marcus’ first personal message to me should have perhaps been a red flag about his mental stability but, not having had the pleasure of meeting him yet in person, it seemed like harmless, flirting fun. Hindsight is always 20/20, especially with online dating, and I will give Marcus props because, yes, indeed, he did end up scaring me.

Marcus seemed extremely cool at first. His picture showed a very attractive clean-cut guy in a suit and his emails were pretty smart, clever and funny. I did notice that he seemed to answer any email that I sent him within about five minutes, tops, but, eagerness aside, he was an intriguing guy. Marcus told me that he was moving in a month to the town I lived in, worked in the same city as me, loved sports, had ‘hit it big’ recently in the mortgage business and was new to trying internet dating as an antidote to meeting girls in bars. Check, check check – he seemed to pass initial muster with flying colors.

Within a week of our first email, Marcus asked if I would be willing to meet him for a drink at a bar that was right between his office and mine. My initial reaction was to throw out an alternate cocktail location. As the great George Costanza would have said, meeting Marcus three blocks from I spent all of my working hours was a little too much of my “world’s colliding”. If things didn’t work out I didn’t want to always be looking out or be running the risk of running into him. But, unfortunately, he really did work and live that close to me so I was kind of stuck. I agreed to his offer and the meeting was on.

In case he was late, he day before we were to meet, Marcus offered me his phone number and, being a nice girl, I gave him mine. Within ten minutes of sending him my number, my phone buzzed with a new text message. “I’ll bet you are counting the minutes until you get to meet me finally.” Whhhhaaaaaat? Smelling crazy, I almost texted him back an immediate cancellation but the rest of his texts, even though I got about 20 that day, seemed harmless enough. At least I would die in a familiar neighborhood. There was that.

When Marcus walked into the bar, I knew it was him but he definitely was smaller than his picture, and profile, implied. I probably had about six inches on him but… maybe a cocktail would help. No such luck. Within about five minutes of the start of our conversation I knew I was in for it. This guy was a liar and pretty nuts. My chat with Marcus was the first time I really encountered crazy eyes. He just stared directly at my face for our entire meeting. He may have blinked but I am placing my money on no lid action. Intense, he was very, very, very intense. And he liked to stretch the truth.

Within the hour that I spent with him, Marcus took back almost every single thing that he told me. No, he wasn’t moving to the town I lived in, he just wanted to but couldn’t afford it. No, he wasn’t a mortgage broker but actually worked for the TSA at the airport and had applied for an entry-level job at a mortgage office. He wasn’t new to the dating scene but had been doing it steadily for five years and seemed to really hate anything resembling a female. This didn’t bode well for me. None of these details bothered me in and of themselves but he had totally and completely lied about every detail of his life. The only consolation I had was that he didn’t actually work right near me but had only applied there. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I finished my drink and started to gather my things. I could not get out of there fast enough. Marcus reached across the table, grabbed my hands and said, “There is no way I am letting you leave yet. No way.” Die, I was going to die. This guy was off of his rocker. I mumbled something about needing to get home and he dropped my hands, sat back and said, “Well, fine. We get to do this again, right?” Oh, my GOD, dude, could you make this more awkward? Not wanting to get permanently maimed, I told Marcus to shoot me an email and we could go from there. He started to get up like he wanted to walk me to my car but, sensing grave bodily injury, I darted out of the bar.

By the time I got home, I had an email from Marcus asking for a second date. Hmmm…how did I want to put it…HELL no. That seemed a tad rude, though, so I said as nicely as I could that I didn’t think there was a connection with us but thanked him for meeting me for a drink. I got his email immediately in reply:



Synopsis of The Rock:

a) Too skinny

b) I asked what you do in your free time, and you really don’t do anything.  Makes me wonder what we would do together besides mindblowing sex.

c) Totally turned off by the “I almost didn’t write you because you didn’t put your income.”

d) Check your profile hon, you didn’t put yours either, even though you claimed you did.

e) Think you are better than you really are

f)  Turned off by the “I usually date older guys because they are more stable” comment

You were great on the phone and email, I guess I was looking for that person and got someone else.  Good luck.



Well. I guess he wasn’t interested in meeting again after all and what was this about income? We had never even mentioned income. Holy crap. Were there any normal guys out in the internet dating universe? Really? Anywhere? A break, I needed a break. Marcus did scare me and he turned me off of internet dating for a good few months but well, how could I continually give up the opportunity for mind-blowing sex with guys like Marcus? I mean, really. I would be a fool, right?

Published in: Uncategorized on February 22, 2011 at 3:42 am  Comments (2)