Random – not from a lesbian – please read!!!

Random is right. When an email with this subject line first showed up in my inbox I was very skeptical and almost didn’t open it. But, there is a not a lot of spam in Matchville so, my curiosity piqued,  I decided to open it.  The message was from Sandra, a woman that lived in the same town as I do, and she was new to the online dating scene.  She had two young kids and was going through a nasty divorce and scared to death to meet someone on a blind date. Her parents were convinced that she should just give up on the man idea, put on her chastity belt and raise her kids. There was no one for her to talk to and she was really desperate for some advice.  Would I mind meeting her for coffee so she could pick my brain and get some guidelines? My first inclination was to run for the hills. This seemed kind of…messy but I decided the right thing to do would be to help a sister out. I had, after all, been on four dates in the last four days so I had a little bit of experience. I answered her back that, if she didn’t try to sell me something or get me to come to her church, I would be more than happy to counsel her.  I was kind of dying to know what this girl was like. It takes some balls to make such a request of another woman you don’t know. So – we set a date at the local playground. Her kids could climb the gym equipment while we chatted. I was going on my first date with a woman!

The first couple of moments with Sandra were a little awkward. There are a lot of moms at playgrounds with kids so it took me a few moments to pick her out. Her kids were very cute and were soon off to climb and throw things. It then got very quiet. Where to start THIS conversation? She led off with the story of her soon-to-be-ex husband. He sounded like a real prize. She was a stay-at-home mom and he called her, from her family’s basement on Thanksgiving in another state (while on a business trip), to tell her that he was leaving and wanted a divorce. Oh, and he didn’t have any money and wasn’t going to so she would have to get a job. Nice guy, eh?  He had since made her life a living hell by forcing her to leap back into the working world so she could support their kids while fighting her for custody. It was becoming clear why she was a little afraid of the males.  I gave her the low-down on my dating history and assured her that all men were not evil and conniving and that she might actually have some fun. She wasn’t telling anyone else what she was doing so she gave me the name of her first meet and greet. I had a co-hort in the my dating debacles and Sandra seemed pretty cool. The whole thing wasn’t nearly as awful as I had envisioned.

Sandra’s first date was not stellar. The guy was a single parent, as well, but he neglected to mention that his ex-wife had declared herself a lesbian and moved into the basement of their house. He also dropped f***-bombs like it was going out of style. This was not good! I did not want her to be scared off but she was a trooper and made another date. She asked if I would come to her house some night after work to have dinner with her and the kids so we could discuss my dates and her progress. Sandra turned out to live three minutes from me which was just too bizarre. We had a very pleasant dinner with the kids and the animals and wine and boy talk. I was very happy how this was all turning out.

The next time I went to have dinner at Sandra’s house she was very excited about a new prospect.  Alex was also a parent going through a divorce and he worked at the same tech company she did. They talked on the phone, had a great conversation and were meeting the next day. I came over a few nights after their date and she was totally jazzed with a silly little lovesick grin and everything. She started to talk about Alex and little bells started to go off in my head. He sounded so familiar but I hadn’t dated anyone by that name. Then it came to me.  I asked her a few details, like his last name, and I realized that Alex, his wife, Trina, and I had gone to junior high and high school together. I had sat with Alex and Trina at a wedding and, because Trina was still friends with some of my friends, I knew a few details about Alex’s marriage. Unfortunately, because I was sitting at that moment with Sandra, most of the details were not favorable to Alex. Shit. What was I supposed to do? Tell the truth and burst Sandra’s bubble? I was afraid, though, if I didn’t spill it then, she would find out eventually that Alex and I knew each other and she would be pissed that I hadn’t been honest. So, I kind of laughed, took another gulp of wine, and told her that I knew him and was kind of friends with his whole former social circle. It was so awkward. Sandra’s face kind of fell and she tried to look ok with this new bit of info but I could tell she was not pleasantly surprised.  We laughed about strange coincidences – what else could we do? – and I went home not long after that.

Sandra and Alex were soon hot and heavy and it became clear it was going to become a little close for comfort. She was coyly discussing their love life and I was trying not to think of the stories I heard about him being unfaithful. These tales were not substantiated but, as a friend, I didn’t know what to say. A few weeks later, Sandra called me and said that Alex remembered me, of course, and they wanted me to come to dinner so he could see me again. I hadn’t seen this guy in 14 years and, from what I heard, he hadn’t been the greatest in his marriage. Dinner didn’t sound so wonderful but I went anyway. It was not as bad as I thought but it was still weird. I didn’t know how to reminisce with Alex without mentioning his soon-to-be ex. He was obviously smitten, though, with Sandra which made me very happy.

I didn’t hear much from Sandra for a long, long time but that made sense. She and Alex were now officially an item, he had met her kids and it was just strange to have me hanging around. We were Facebook friends, though, so I was able to see that they were still together. I ran into her and the kids at the grocery store almost a year later and she kind of let on that things were a little rough. She asked if I wanted to come over for some drinks. I agreed and she ended up crying and telling me that she and Alex were probably breaking up. Ack.  I listened and tried to give her positive reinforcement but I felt a little weird being close after not hearing from her for a year. That was the last time I saw her but, through the miracle of Facebook, I see that she and Alex are still going strong. She is a great mom and cool girl so I wish her luck. But, oh yes, the world is very small, indeed.

Published in: on May 26, 2009 at 2:11 pm  Comments (2)  

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  1. […] who was, coincidentally, now dating a girl that had written me from Match for dating advice (see Sandra). It made my head hurt to try and even make sense of the tangled web but I started laughing […]

  2. […] who was, coincidentally, now dating a girl that had written me from Match for dating advice (see Sandra). It made my head hurt to try and even make sense of the tangled web but I started laughing […]

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